Art of living- Not Zen like
We are all fallible, to various degrees. The basic tenet we hold true as a human being is that after all said and done, in the end we find away to be correct in any argument, or at least find a way to absolve us of any blame. The other thing is that how less we want to listen, and how much we want others to listen to what we say, and accept that we are right to a large degree.
Sometimes I pity, I pity a lot of people for how much hatred they carry inside them. for months, for years, they foster hate, they feed hate, and when time comes they let the venom out. I wish letting the venom out, of believing all the lies all the time, and blaming someone for everything bad in their life, will provide them peace. But peace is not easy to find, especially when you don't own things and always looking for someone to blame.
On the other side, what of a person who is the target of all that venom, of all the lies and accusations. How it made him/her feel that someone close to you can possibly think about those sort of bad things about you, in their mind you are always at fault, and though they may claim to love you, it was always hate, mistrust for you. It is a difficult situation to be, to be at fault always for anything bad in their life, if someone always made you feel like you are the biggest mistake they have done, how happy their life was before you, and how much they hate their life with you. When all you think about is to how to make them happy, how not motivate them to be the best person they can be, how to nudge them towards being a self made person, because deep down you know that they have to face the world, and however much to you wish, you can't always be there to protect them. When you never expect anything from them for you, but just push them so that they become successful, they be able to face any hardship on their own.
That bring us to to third stage, which is called "Anything you say, it will be taken always out of context". Imagine you being a person who is always reluctant to blame anyone, for whom if anything goes wrong, he will look inside to find out ways to self improve and self accuse. And when you say something, it will always be taken out of context, you will be blamed for messing up their lives, and eventually you stop giving any advice, because even if you give advice in good faith it will be taken in negative sense. Now at this stage things are in vicious circle, everything you do, and everything you say, it will never be good enough for them. Even if you cut your heart out, they will blame you for messing up their floor, even if you say I love you, they will accuse of faking it, if you don't say anything they will accuse you of being insensitive, and finally whatever you say it will always be taken out of context and fight will be created out of nothing.
But all is not doom and gloom, and though one of or all 3 stages can happen with anyone, the key to deal with them is to focus on you, focus on your response to those, recognize that other person may have issues beyond your knowledge, that their hate though directed at you may need and outlet, and unfortunately it is you. Recognize that people will blame you because they know you can take it and still keep smiling, they will give you pain, because you can take it, they will let you down, because you can survive that, they will come in packs to hunt you down, because you can take their arrows and still keep moving forward, they will make you target for all their problem, be malicious and tell lies about you, because you are string enough to take it. The key is to remember who you are, if it is your fault say sorry and move on, if it is something you can fix, then fix and move on, if it is something you can't fix, what is point in feeling bad, just move on, and in the end if you believe deep down in your heart that what you always want is for that person to be happy and his/her good, then keep doing it, don't take blame to heart, be a phoenix, and keep rising from the ashes of blame and mistrust. Keep shining you crazy diamond, and good bye till we meet again.
Sometimes I pity, I pity a lot of people for how much hatred they carry inside them. for months, for years, they foster hate, they feed hate, and when time comes they let the venom out. I wish letting the venom out, of believing all the lies all the time, and blaming someone for everything bad in their life, will provide them peace. But peace is not easy to find, especially when you don't own things and always looking for someone to blame.
On the other side, what of a person who is the target of all that venom, of all the lies and accusations. How it made him/her feel that someone close to you can possibly think about those sort of bad things about you, in their mind you are always at fault, and though they may claim to love you, it was always hate, mistrust for you. It is a difficult situation to be, to be at fault always for anything bad in their life, if someone always made you feel like you are the biggest mistake they have done, how happy their life was before you, and how much they hate their life with you. When all you think about is to how to make them happy, how not motivate them to be the best person they can be, how to nudge them towards being a self made person, because deep down you know that they have to face the world, and however much to you wish, you can't always be there to protect them. When you never expect anything from them for you, but just push them so that they become successful, they be able to face any hardship on their own.
That bring us to to third stage, which is called "Anything you say, it will be taken always out of context". Imagine you being a person who is always reluctant to blame anyone, for whom if anything goes wrong, he will look inside to find out ways to self improve and self accuse. And when you say something, it will always be taken out of context, you will be blamed for messing up their lives, and eventually you stop giving any advice, because even if you give advice in good faith it will be taken in negative sense. Now at this stage things are in vicious circle, everything you do, and everything you say, it will never be good enough for them. Even if you cut your heart out, they will blame you for messing up their floor, even if you say I love you, they will accuse of faking it, if you don't say anything they will accuse you of being insensitive, and finally whatever you say it will always be taken out of context and fight will be created out of nothing.
But all is not doom and gloom, and though one of or all 3 stages can happen with anyone, the key to deal with them is to focus on you, focus on your response to those, recognize that other person may have issues beyond your knowledge, that their hate though directed at you may need and outlet, and unfortunately it is you. Recognize that people will blame you because they know you can take it and still keep smiling, they will give you pain, because you can take it, they will let you down, because you can survive that, they will come in packs to hunt you down, because you can take their arrows and still keep moving forward, they will make you target for all their problem, be malicious and tell lies about you, because you are string enough to take it. The key is to remember who you are, if it is your fault say sorry and move on, if it is something you can fix, then fix and move on, if it is something you can't fix, what is point in feeling bad, just move on, and in the end if you believe deep down in your heart that what you always want is for that person to be happy and his/her good, then keep doing it, don't take blame to heart, be a phoenix, and keep rising from the ashes of blame and mistrust. Keep shining you crazy diamond, and good bye till we meet again.
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