Searching for the sleepy eyed boy....

Power of suggestion, power of mind, power of thoughts when you woke up suddenly and see world around you in a different light. At that moment everything make sense and nothing make sense as well. Voices are music and voices are cacophony as well. When you sit misty eyed in a crowd and still feel no rush, humans seem like floating aimlessly. Boy and girl on the opposite side of road, smiling and whispering sweet musings, and you see the mask they are wearing and wonder how long before they are shouting at each other, fight over trivial things, how long before mask of love will be off. Pizza boy on the other side, defying all rules of traffic and all laws of physics, gliding through the traffic like a slippery reptile just slips out of your grasp. In so much hurry, worried about 30 minute deadline and pay cut if he fails to deliver before that, making himself a potential victim of road accident, just to feed someone within 30 minutes of order. A poor mother begging on the roadside, children of all colours and no bath, banging against you car window, as if you are responsible for their hunger, patting their stomach repeatedly to signal they are hungry. Normally you turn away, but today your eyes are fixed, on the far horizon, you are searching for someone, you are searching for that sleepy eyed, shy, smiling boy. Boy who is as comfortable around girls, as butter is around fire. Boy who spends hours and hours thinking about life, reading books to know the meaning of life, who worries about things like what after life, what in old age, how to keep parents happy, how to live a fulfilling life, how to fulfill his destiny and find his place under the sun. 

The boy was special, the boy was the apple of many eyes, his parents adore him, neighbours cite him as example to young kids, he never speak harshly, almost too nice to be true. The boy who agonize and be angry when alone or when family, the perfect boy. 

Books were his way out of the miserable life, out of poverty, out of his neighbourhood, a mean to make his parents, his family, his relations proud. He was surprisingly good at sports, excellent and dead shooter of basketball, amazingly quick at football, and in words of sports coach, "Prashant dimag se khelta hai, tum logon ki tarah chuti** nahin hai". The boy was a perfect paradox, he craves recognition but cringes when praised. Perhaps what he wants is silent appreciation.

And then young turk left home. to take on world, to make his mark. When he left, with 3500 rupees in total, stacked in his briefcase and half amount in trouser's inner pocket. First time he saw airplane, travel to Mysore and that night, he missed his mom and dad and shed a tear or 2 in solitude. But he was happy, getting a job, learning in an amazing campus. He was surrounded by people who have loads of money, children of destiny, for them ordering a pizza everyday was not a big deal, but for the boy he can't, he need to save his 3500 until he got his salary. He count his money every time goes to canteen, order thali and never individual items. The boy though was tough nut, he was strong for his village background and soon he was the most popular guy in the group. Tall, dark, lanky, almost malnourished, but still hugely popular. 

The bot went to Pune, got lost in the job, worked hard for creating a better life, but never realized was actually losing the life. Life was running in front of his eyes, but he was too busy working in office. The boy went to UK, felt in love and it was bliss. Then came the dark clouds, and life was hell for one year. The boy turned into a man, hurt emotionally but tough at outside, he tides over the trouble and emerge a stronger person, but not necessarily the same person. Life is like a dark night, even when sunlight comes, you carry some portion of that night in your heart. Heart which beats and bleeds, heart which loves and cries, heart which longs and run away, O crazy you, you are crazy dear heart. Then something happened, he found love again, love which hurt him time and again and when he lost all hopes, he got admission into his dream school and his love come back into life for good. everything was rosy and he got a job after MBA, started working in a new city and then things happened. The boy tried to help people around him, but more he tried more difficult if became, to the point when there was no time left for him to think about things he love, to sit quietly and contemplate. Work and other people's worry becomes his life, it was a loop, and endless loop.

And then something happened. He woke up today from  sleep, and everything was clear to him, the world was going at a slow pace, he was looking at people but actually he can see through them, he was searching for the boy, the quiet boy, the unassuming boy, the boy with a grin to die for and heart full of compassion. The boy, search is on and I also hope to find that guy and say Hi, probably hug him and never let him go again. I am searching for me and this time when we meet, it will be for life.